As the title states, this was one of my toughest semesters. However, as it turns out it was not because of school. I’ve had some of my less challenging classes to date. They weren’t a breeze but did not require as much effort as understanding algorithms or learning a new language. I’m sure my professor expected me to reflect on my semester in software engineering. However, I think it’s more valuable to the audience and myself to show how I grew from a traumatic experience that happened to me at the very beginning of my semester.
Coming into the semester I was excited to see that I would be working with many of my classmates from previous semesters. I was relatively okay with my life and it seemed like my day-to-day wasn’t going to change, that things were going to be as any other semester before. I quickly found out within a few weeks that life can slap you in the face without hesitation. Long story short, I lost someone very close to me. I don’t want to fill in too many blanks but I’ll say it’s much harder to grieve for someone who’s still alive than for someone who’s since passed away.
Firstly, it’s easy to describe the pain I was in. I’m no different from any other person when it comes to hard emotions. It was the same dread as failing a critical exam, and that feeling of dread continues day after day, week after week, like a busted pipe that wouldn’t stop flowing. The first thing I did was deny my reality until I slowly began to realize this massive hole I was stuck in. It was so hard for me to think life would never be the same again. The day it happened I ran to my brother who is one of my closest friends and family, to be consoled (Lesson #1, always seek support from people who you trust and love). I also dialed my grandmother who is a psychologist and was my therapist growing up, my first lucky break. She walked me through my grief and showed me my first steps to healing during the first few weeks. My studies took a major hit for me during the 2nd month of the semester. It was hard to keep focus, causing my grades to suffer. Another big problem was my job. I was never completely happy where I worked. The money sucked, management was poor (to say the least), and worst of all I had to see the person I was grieving almost all the time. I could tell this wouldn’t be easy.
During the first month, I had to quickly adjust to my new life. The first thing I did was to go to the gym. I’ve been a gym rat years ago and I know how therapeutic it can be to take out your frustrations on heavy weights (Lesson #2, distract yourself with healthy hobbies). I quickly moved out of my old apartment as fast as I could. I was fortunate enough that the same brother I sought help from also had room for me to stay with him at his house. I talked with some of my professors about what I was going through. Some were sympathetic and I appreciated that (quick lesson, be transparent when it affects others around you). I also began to rapidly apply to transfer to different properties under the same umbrella at my place of employment. I’m still dealing with moving jobs. It’s very technical but I had to try to stick it out with my current employer for a few more months to reap the benefits of my 10 years of loyalty. I began reconnecting with old friends and spending more time with my current ones. It’s going to take a lot of time to earn their respect again, but time is a commodity I have in abundance (Lesson #3, live in abundance, not scarcity). Another fantastic habit I got into was reading and listening to podcasts. These resources guided me in realizing how many opportunities I have awaiting me if I put in the effort to achieve them. Live in abundance!
I’ve slowly begun to make my way out of my mental pit. It’s been 3 months since that day. I’ve lost 35 lbs, I’ve hung out with my old friends more times than I have in the last year, and I’ve re-wired my brain to pursue a life of more value, no matter the cost (Lesson #4, never stop growing). My grades aren’t as good as they could have been, but I dedicated myself to not letting this trauma get in the way of my education. My software engineering group mates deserve praise for everything they did this semester. If they’re reading this, thank you for your hard work. I learned how important teamwork is to achieving a goal. Some of my friends have told me how much of an improvement they’ve seen in me since 3 months ago, and It makes me happy to know that others are noticing. I’m going to continue to climb until I feel I’ve freed myself of all these burdens. It will be hard to not fall a few feet but if I do I just keep going.